Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
