Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
