At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
