Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
