I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
