She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
