i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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