I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
