I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
