TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
