I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
