Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
