You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
