My hand turned me down
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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