Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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