explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
