Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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