Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
