sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
