Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
