i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
