Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
