In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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