Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
