this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
