she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
