fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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