We named our party play list daddy issues
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
