His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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