Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
