Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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