That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
