So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
