Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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