for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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