i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
