My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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