the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
