I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
