Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
