I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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