The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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