i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
