Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
