if only i could text you this smell
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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