Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
