also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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