I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
