it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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