I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
